Dear Obsessmuch,

I can't keep silent any longer. I have a stage five clinger friend. Let me begin at the beginning. I'm the PTA President at my 7 year old's private school, so I have a fairly large network of "mom friends". My son, Sawyer became besties with Ansel, a boy in his class. I got to know Ansel's mom, Gemma, as she became instrumental in the PTA's decorating committee. Before long we were shopping at Ulla Johnson and getting blowouts in our free time. I even got her a last minute appointment at my injector's despite a 6 month waitlist. I thought we were a great match, but I was dead wrong. Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow stole the Shakespeare in Love script from Winona Ryder? This is what Gemma has done. Gemma has hired my personal stylist to pre-shop the Winter collections before I could. Gemma has also booked our personal chef for the entire summer in the Hamptons. And lastly, Gemma initiated a challenge to the PTA Board structure in hopes of making President a two person job. Everywhere I go, Gemma is wearing a skinsuit of me. At this point, I'm ready to switch Sawyer to another school, dye my hair latte brown and travel to Positano for the entire summer. How do I put Gemma in her place (and off of the PTA) while still looking like an unbothered queen?

Sincerely,

No you can't sit here

Dear No you can't sit here,

I'm so sorry that Gemma is cosplaying you. I wish you could say "This isn't comic-con" and be done with it. I'm not going to say she's just jealous and I'm not going to blather on about sincerest forms of flattery. What I will say is that Gemma represents an entire genre of horror movies. I'd also be willing to bet my Bottega that she's done this before. You have a leg up because you were at the school, on the board, hosting in the Hamptons and in your friend group first. Gemma's imitation of you has likely been noticed by those in your inner circle and has definitely been clocked by your stylist.

So here's our strategy-

Put Gemma on ice. You do not need to accept any social invitations from her now. Don't explain. You are booked and busy and your au pair can handle the boys' playdates.

Schedule some time with your personal stylist and be very frank with her or him. You only want items that lean in a very different direction than the items Gemma selects and if that means shifting your image you trust your stylist to do so. Remind your stylist that you brought Gemma in as a client and that you have a longstanding relationship with your stylist. If Gemma wants the latest from NY, you want the latest from Paris and Copenhagen and you want some archival items.

Book all of your beauty and fitness services for the entire year. Get your hair, injector, reflexology, reiki, pilates and shadow work appointments on the books so that Gemma cannot beat you to the punch.

Think about what PTA jobs are the worst. Appoint Gemma to those committees. Bury her in PTA nominations and tasks that she won't feel able to turn down if she wants to be President or co-chair. Then find a new cause for yourself to take on when your term ends.

Spend time with the friends you may have been accidentally ignoring while you were bonding with the bunny cooker. They have missed you. And they've probably shared a few giggles about Gemma's obsession for you.

Best of luck.