Dear Obsessmuch,

I'm in full grinch mode. Let me back up. Every year my girlfriends and our husbands spend Christmas in a tropical destination. We've done Fiji, Bermuda, Maldives and this year we were planning to go to St. Croix. We typically choose the destination and book the travel in July. This summer was no different. Then in September my best friend pulled out of the trip because she is pregnant. Then my other friend cancelled because her husband's hedge fund is being investigated by the SEC and his lawyers advised him not to leave the country. I had already planned my vacation wardrobe, gotten painful electrolysis and had a thread lift for this holiday trip. With two couples down, the husbands began discussing whether we should all cancel the trip. My husband opted to cancel and promised his family we would spend Christmas with them in Ohio. Don't get me wrong, I love my in laws but I don't want to be in Ohio when I could be in St. Croix.

I can already tell you how this vacation will go. First, we will bunk in my husband's childhood room. We will freeze to death on a mattress from 1986 under the watchful eyes of Chicago Bull era Michael Jordan. My mother in law will serve lovingly made 2000 calorie casseroles three times a day. We will shower during the 4 hour window my father in law turns on the hot water heater. At some point my sister in law will leave her two jammy faced toddlers with us while she sneaks out for some alone time. The only time we will leave the house will be to go to the neighborhood bar and when we get there we will inevitably run into folks my husband played sports with or dated. I won't be able to do pilates, meditate, drink decent coffee or stick to my diet. And all of this will suck so much more since I'll be imagining the fun our friends are having in St. Croix without us.

I told my husband that if we go I expect to be gifted at minimum, a Birkin. I told him this would be the only holiday trip to Ohio and that this summer he owes me an additional destination vacation. He told me I was being high maintenance and unreasonable. I confided in my mom and she said the same. Do I have to go? Do I have to be pleasant?

Grinchy Grinch

Dear Grinch,

I love so many things about your letter. I love that you have a great friend group. I love that your Christmas tradition is to spend time on a glorious beach. I love that you all plan, prepare and primp for months. And I love that your husband saw an opportunity to spend Christmas in a more classically traditional way-with family.

You are right that Ohio will not touch the luxury experience of St. Croix. And you can be disappointed and slightly petulant about that for a few private minutes. And then you can put on your big girl spanx or skims and compromise for your husband. This trip will thrill your in laws and you cannot take for granted that they will always be around and be healthy enough to entertain you. This trip will probably bring you closer to your husband if you can drop the attitude and see the humor in bunking in his childhood room or playing darts with his high school buddies.

Ship some luxuries to Ohio ahead of your stay. If there are sheets, space heaters, vegan snacks that you cannot live without, ship them. Research a day spa, a great coffee shop or a yoga studio in your husband's area. I guarantee that there are cool places to discover. Offer to cook the family a healthy meal. Get your in laws thoughtful and lavish gifts. Stop demanding a Birkin.

Go to St. Croix this summer!

Cheers,

Obsessmuch