Dear Obsessmuch,

Emergency advice needed. I made the biggest faux pas and I fear there is no recovering from this one.

My mother in law has had an especially difficult time respecting the boundaries my husband and I have established as a newly married couple. For example, after we did an engagement photo shoot, MIL hired the same photographer to shoot herself and her son (not her husband or other grown children) at the same location. She then gifted us with a framed 8 by 10 from her photoshoot. Or there’s the story of how she crashed my husband’s bachelor party. And the time she used the spare key to let herself in and paint, refurnish the guest bedroom thereby turning it into a nursery. We returned home to painters and a handyman building a crib. I wasn't even pregnant.

Onto the issue at hand. My sister and I were texting and I was telling her the latest craziness with my MIL. Basically MIL was sending my husband selfies of her trying on bikinis in a Neiman Marcus dressing room. My husband was giving a presentation at work and these selfies weren't just going to his phone, but were projecting onto his boardroom presentation for all to see. I sent my sister a text saying "you'll never guess what the bunny boiling Mommy Dearest did now" with a gif of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction wielding a knife. Except I didn't send it to my sister. I sent it to my Mother In Law.

My MIL left my husband 28 voicemails about my f-up. She concluded with the threat that we are no longer welcome on her 43rd wedding anniversary cruise and she will no longer be lending us her celebrity party planner for Thanksgiving at our house. My husband thinks this is hilarious and that I should just suck it up and apologize. I am done with MIL and refuse to apologize but it is causing tension with my dear husband.

Help!

Screwed by Siri

Dear Screwed by Siri,

Oh no, not the dreaded fatfingered text going to the wrong recipient!! But that's the smallest of the issues. The real issue, and the reason you are reluctant to apologize, is your MIL's lack of boundaries. Her relationship with her son is wildly inappropriate and it is causing hilarious, but serious issues in your home life and marriage. Aside from apologizing for the name calling in the text, you haven't outlined anything you have done that is out of bounds. Once you apologize for the text, this is your husband's issue to sort.

You and your husband need to draft a list of rules and your husband must communicate the rules to his mother. Those rules should likely include the following:

1) Our home is offlimits unless you are invited

2) Please limit daytime texts to emergency only

3) Home decorating decisions will be made by us

4) Understand that we are not required to attend family vacations you unilaterally plan

If your husband is unwilling to create and enforce boundaries with his mother, then this may be an issue to be explored in couples therapy. You do not need to have anything beyond a cordial, see you at Christmas dinner relationship with your MIL. But your husband needs to decide what he is getting from the current relationship with his mother and why he is willing to tolerate her smothering.

So draft a quick text message to MIL saying, "Sorry wrong text. You were not the intended recipient. I apologize," and brace for impact. Let her tantrum, text or yell. You don't want a close relationship with MIL so keep it moving.