Dear Obsessmuch

Here is the first in our series of Dear Obsessmuch, in which readers actually solicit advice.

Dear Obsessmuch,

What is the best way to properly get party guests to leave? My husband (M32) and I (F31) recently hosted an afternoon barbeque. It was a casual end of summer celebration and we invited neighbors we are close friends with, a few college friends that are still local, and a few co-workers. The evite said the party began at 2 pm. We figured that was an ideal time for our guests with young kids who still nap. At 3 am, one of my husband's friends invited an uber full of strangers to our home, one of my co-workers was passed out on a pool chaise, and our next door neighbor was vomiting in our new planters. It was at this point that we simply turned a blind eye to the disaster in the backyard and went to bed. Were we rude hosts? If we ever entertain again (and with the Delta variant surging we may not) how do we avoid guests overstaying their welcome?

Please help!

Pelatoned in Plano

Dear Pelatoned in Plano,

I love your name and would likely love to overstay my welcome at your next barbeque. I'm sorry that your event was marred by poorly behaved friends and neighbors. If you and your planters recover enough to host another party in the near future, I suggest you set clearer boundaries. Start with the invitations. Always include an end time on the invitations. When the end time approaches, start removing the food, alcohol, glasses and servingware. Turn off the music. Those that still have their wits about them will get the hint. Those that have no social graces, or who are inebriated, will need you to spell it out more clearly. Ask them if they need you to call them an Uber. Tell them you have an early morning and you need to get some shut eye. If that doesn't work, simply tell them that the party is over.

You mentioned that your event was a casual get together. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But your guests interpreted this as an invitation to treat your home like a frat house. I'm guessing your friends with children showed up with a hostess gift or a shared dish, stayed until the little ones got restless and headed home early. Bravo! Somebody understood the assignment. And I'm guessing some your friends who are still single (and there is not a darn thing wrong with their single status) regressed and went full Studio 54. No event calls for puke in your planter. That dude sucks and should never be allowed in your home again. No event calls for a carload of strangers arriving after the bars have closed. The frat bag who invited strangers to your home when you were going to bed is not someone with sound judgment.

So boundaries. Your house. Your event. Your rules. The party ends at 7 o'clock.